Empathy and Emotional Regulation

While it may be tempting to reprimand a child back into line, there are other options for de-escalating these problems that can be more effective.

Best Practices October 28, 2024

As teachers, we often encounter students who struggle with their emotions throughout the day. Whether it’s Johnny throwing a tantrum in the sandbox or Susie breaking down after a tough test, these situations are all too common. 

While it may be tempting (and occasionally effective) to reprimand or discipline that child back into line, there are other options for de-escalating these problems that may be more effective in the long term. This article will focus on the connection between empathy and emotional regulation, discussing some of the biology behind the scenes.

To begin, what do we mean by empathy and emotional regulation? Empathy is the ability to put oneself in someone else’s shoes. Emotional regulation is the ability to control one’s emotional state. Importantly, when a student is dysregulated, they lose access to their own empathy. When a student is upset, stress hormones, like cortisol, shut down the frontal cortex, which is needed for empathy.

One of our goals as teachers is to help turn down the stress response and turn up the positive brain hormones associated with regulation, like serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin. So, how does this work? 

The best way to promote a positive response is by showing empathy. Showing a student empathy helps them move closer to a state in which they can emotionally regulate. Serotonin helps control mood, oxytocin is linked to bonding, and endorphins reduce pain and lead to a sense of well-being.

Let’s return to our scenario with Johnny above. Johnny has just hurled sand in every direction as he stomps and yells in the sandbox. His frontal cortex is deactivated—he’s lost the ability to reason, and he’s lost his empathy for those around him. 

While yelling at him may get his attention, it won’t reduce his stress hormones or yours. He will likely stay stressed, as will you. A better approach might be to move toward him (beware of flying sand) and say something like “What happened?” 

Johnny will likely angrily tell you the slight that he has perceived, such as a toy being taken from him. Demonstrating that you understand his concerns, you can say something similar to, “I’m sorry that happened, I’m sure you wanted to play with that toy.”

This will start to lower his stress hormones and will take him out of fight-or-flight mode. If he agrees, a hug might help, which also releases oxytocin. Now that you have access to the frontal cortex again, you can introduce logic and other options, stating, for example, “Maybe you can take turns sharing the toy?” With that, Johnny can be on his way back to emotional regulation and empathy.

Hopefully, this scenario illustrates some of the behind-the-scenes biology going on in the everyday scenarios we face as teachers. Empathy can play an important role in de-escalating tough situations and bringing students back into emotional regulation.

Author

Steven Brock

Brock, MS Chemistry. He works at West Coast Adventist School teaching high school math, science and technology. Has been teaching online for 5 years and brick-and-mortar for 4 years before that.

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